


Moments Missed

by CyberDalek96



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 07:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20467313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyberDalek96/pseuds/CyberDalek96
Summary: A psychic link exists between the Tenth Doctor and Metacrisis Ten. This link allows the Doctor to, in a way, experience significant moments in the life of Rose and his counterpart.





	1. Ignorance is Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> -I do not own Doctor Who or its characters.  
-All mistakes are mine.  
-Comments, reviews, and kudos welcome.  
-I played with the timeline a bit so the baby comes after Journey's End rather than after Doomsday.

Leaving Rose at Bad Wolf Bay that first time had been one of the most difficult things the Doctor had ever had to do. For months, he hated himself. He kept himself holed up in the TARDIS, afraid of potentially causing destruction and heartache in the lives of anyone he would come into contact with if he were to venture outside the TARDIS. He fell into a state of depression, spending much more time in bed than is necessary for a Time Lord and thinking about all of his past mistakes. What finally pulled him out of this state was the realization that Rose would not want him to live in such a way. She would want him to carry on and be the man she knew and loved.

Leaving Rose at Bad Wolf Bay the second time proved to be just as painful, if not more. The effects, at least, were much more devastating. Initially, he found some consolation in the fact that he—though it was a different version of him—and Rose could spend their lives together, just as Rose desired. And, he admitted, as he desired as well. Still, he was envious and angry that it was not actually him with Rose.

As the weeks passed in the parallel universe and time passed slowly in his own, the Doctor found this even more difficult to deal with. He first noticed something unusual as he was tinkering with the TARDIS console. At first, it was a niggling in the back of his mind accompanied by an intrusive emotion he couldn’t quite identify. He tried to ignore it, dismissing it as the TARDIS pushing her boundaries. The sensations grew stronger, however, and he threw his tools to the ground in frustration. He stood still, closed his eyes, and focused on the strange presence.

The Doctor experimentally opened the metaphorical door in his mind. He gripped the TARDIS console as he was overcome with unwarranted anxiety. An image appeared in his mind of a tearful Rose, hand covering her mouth in disbelief; he saw her nod and hold her left hand out. A ring was slipped onto her finger. The anxiety then turned to joy.

His mouth hung open as he realized what was happening. The psychic link between him and the Metacrisis Doctor had not been broken. This particular link, it turned out, would allow the Doctor to see and hear significant moments in the life of the Metacrisis as well as feel the emotions his counterpart experienced.

His hearts sank. He knew it would be a special kind of heartache, knowing exactly what he was missing out on and being unable to do anything about it.


	2. Baby Love

The Doctor sat on the floor of the jail cell, toying with the chains that held him there. After checking to make sure the guards had left, he reached into his suit pocket as quietly as he could. He retrieved his sonic screwdriver and pointed it at the manacles. As the Doctor was about to press the button, the psychic link buzzed strongly in his mind, and the breath left his lungs.

_Pete’s World_

Rose and John were curled up on the couch, watching the end credits roll by in a comfortable silence. Much to John’s dismay, Rose sat up. She took a deep breath and chewed on her bottom lip.

“What’s wrong, love?” John asked.

“There’s something I have to tell you.”

The breath left John’s lungs as he feared the worst. He quickly composed himself. “What’s that?”

“John, I’m pregnant.”

John’s eyebrows rose in excitement and then furrowed in confusion. “But we haven’t…”

“I know. Don’t worry, I haven’t been unfaithful. Remember when I told the Doctor that mum was pregnant? I lied,” she admitted, “The baby is mine and his. I knew he would do anything to travel back to this world if he found out. I knew he would put both universes at risk. I couldn’t let that happen.” Her voice shook with the memory, all too fresh.

John embraced Rose and kissed her forehead. “Oh, Rose, why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was afraid you’d be mad. I was afraid you’d leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you, Rose. And I’ll raise this child as if it were my own.”

Rose hugged John tighter. “Thank you.”

A few moments passed before John pulled away. A wild grin spread across his face. “Rose, we’re going to be parents!” he shouted excitedly, the news sinking in further. Rose nodded and pulled him back into an embrace.

_The Jail Cell_

For a fleeting moment, the Doctor’s hearts leapt with joy. As the connection weakened, the joy turned to sorrow and disbelief. How could Rose lie to him? Sure, she had valid reasons, but still. Didn’t he deserve to know? And how was a baby possible in the first place? Time Lords and humans were supposed to be biologically incompatible when it came to that.

He was glad the child would have a father figure, but he so wished it could be him. He was unsure of how many moments of the child’s life the link would allow him to see. But did he really want that? Did he really want to see another man experience the adventure he could never have, to raise his son?

He recalled Reinette’s words from years prior. “One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel,” she had said. But would the demons be worth the privilege of seeing his child, his angel, grow up?

The Doctor put his sonic screwdriver back into his pocket without releasing himself from the manacles. The guards could do with him as they wished.

He was somewhat disappointed when they returned and let him go.


	3. The Wedding

The Doctor sat in his favorite chair in the library, sipping a mug of tea and reading _The History and Uses of Bananas_. He had just gotten to his favorite part when the back of his mind started to tingle. A scene faded into view.

Inside a small chapel, a few people he recognized and many he did not sat in pews on either side of the room. Jackie and a couple other women stood in a line at the front, dressed in silver and dark blue dresses. On John’s other side, Mickey, Pete, and Jake stood. A preacher stood in the center of the stage.

A familiar tune played, and the doors at the back of the church opened. In stepped Rose.

The Doctor’s breath hitched, and he choked on his tea. Rose was so beautiful. Her hair up, a touch of makeup (not that she needed it), a flowing white dress. His hearts swelled with affection and disbelief.

She slowly made her way up the aisle, toward the man she’d be marrying, toward the man who wasn’t the Doctor.

She arrived at the altar, where pleasantries, vows, and rings were exchanged. “You may now kiss the bride,” the preacher said happily.

Rose looked at John with a tenderness the Doctor had never seen. John leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Rose’s, a chaste and sweet kiss.

The Doctor swept a finger over his lips. He sighed and set his book and tea on the table beside him. He closed his eyes, wishing it were him.


	4. Welcome to the World

The Doctor stood in the shower, warm water cascading down his body. His nose crinkled in disgust at the odor of saltwater combined with tea rising from his skin. _So much tea. Wasted_, he thought, _Oh, well. Things eventually worked out for the Americans, I suppose. _His mind drifted to other, more neutral, matters. _Y’know, I’ve never tasted tree bark. I wonder what it tastes like. I should go—_

A sudden panic impaled him, sending him stumbling into the shower wall. “Ow,” he groaned half-heartedly. “What now? Oh…”

_Pete’s World_

Rose was lying in a hospital bed, her legs held up in stirrups. Sweat dripped down her forehead. She breathed heavily. John stood by her side, holding her hand and occasionally patting her forehead with a cloth. He appeared composed on the outside, but the Doctor knew he was frantic on the inside.

“Just one more push!” the doctor at the foot of Rose’s bed exclaimed.

“You’re doing great, babe. Just one more,” John assured her.

Rose pushed with all her might, shouting as she did so. She squeezed John’s hand as hard as she could; John clenched his teeth.

Finally, the baby was out. “It is indeed a boy,” the doctor announced. “Would you like to cut the cord?” she asked.

John kissed Rose’s forehead and nodded excitedly. He shakily took the scissors and stared at his and Rose’s little boy, bursting with pride. "Welcome to the world, little one."

_The Shower_

The Doctor’s mouth fell open. His son had just been born, and Rose had done so well. For once, he wanted the link to be active longer. He wanted to see the cord snipped. He wanted to hear his son’s first cry. He wanted to see Rose’s expression when she held their son for the first time. He wanted to feel the emotions his counterpart felt cutting the cord and holding the baby. More than any other moment he witnessed, he wanted to be there. He was a dad again, and some other man was raising his child. The Doctor exhaled sharply, trying to sort out his emotions.


	5. Acceptance

_One Year Later_

The Doctor plopped down into the jumpseat, having just witnessed a particularly romantic moment between John and Rose. Thoughts of the adventure he could never have swirled around violently in his mind. There was nothing he could do to break the psychic link. He knew, because he had tried so many times early on.

Some moments were especially difficult to see. Rose’s hurt after a fight with John, John playing with his son, Rose giving John sultry looks that led to bedroom activities, just to name a few. Other moments were sweet in the moment but painful later. The previously mentioned bedroom activities, his son’s first steps, his son’s first word.

Anger, jealousy, and sadness often consumed the Doctor. The intensity of the emotions exhausted him. He was tired of it.

Sitting in the jumpseat, the Doctor made a decision. He would have to learn to deal with the psychic link properly and all the emotions that came with it. He would have to accept that it was part of his life. The Doctor sighed, knowing he had his work cut out for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope that things weren't too confusing and that you enjoyed it :)


End file.
